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| First let's start out with a happy greeting of Happy New Year's to everyone. Where we say good-bye to 2OO7 and a warm welcoming to 2OO8. As you can see I am finally posting a new blog for the start of this wonderful new year, 2OO8! (: I've always wanted to do one just like it for 2OO7 but knowing how lazy I can get it didn't happen. Hopefully I will be able to write an entry from time to time this year because it was interesting to read my past 2OO6 entries. Why did I decided to do this all of a sudden? I am not quite sure myself.. but I feel this year is going to be one heck of an adventures and it's going to be worth the wait.
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| happy birthday .. to my second oldest sister.. congrats. on turning thirty-five. i left my sister house around 9:25pm because my mom called over the house and bitch at my sister to take me home. supposely it's late? especially with my own family too huh? obviously i knew exactly what was going to happen when i got home....im so used to it im not even surpise by it any more...probably just annoyed..just as my brother in law arrived at my house my mom is already standing outside bitching all loud and especially at him too. as i walked into the house she continue to bitch...like any person would do... i just went into my room. obviously i knew it wasn't over .. she came straight to my effin room..made me open my door then started to bitch and hit me at the same times...what for? was it really effin necessary?! was i wrong to hang out at my sister house and played with my neices/nephew?? was it wrong to be there at my own sister birthday??...finally in conclusion she bitch about cant hanging out with my sisters anymore.. not even going to there houses...know how pist off that made me feel?! i cried. no matter how much she's planning to hit me for hanging out with my sisters.. im going to do it anyway. the only sister i do not concern for... i dont look up to her.. she doesn't really exist as a sister to me.. is my fourth sister even though my parents + siblings are okay with her w.e...i'll never be. i'll just see her as someone else cousin or family's friend. what's next? my father and i are not close... we were never close to begin with. i never saw him as a hero.. and possibly i'm only calling him a love one because he's family. when people ask me about my resemblence or memories i would only say i got his eyebrowns, cross eyes, and taking me to kindergarden with his bike. although i have plenty of abusive moments than sweet ones.. like the time he was drunk.. my hero then was my grandmother who recently pass away two years ago. well anyway my father doesnt treat me as his daughter anymore.. but it doesnt really matter much to me because actually i never tend to feel like i have a father that exist anyway although he's been living under the same roof with me for many years now. the only thing he made me cried about was the family tree + father's day present i gave him. he threw the present away and ripped off my pictures on the family tree but he kept all my brother things. my past was horrible... and this is how i am today. til this day.. i really wanted to meet my grandfather but they both pass away before i was even born. hmm.. for those you who have read my last entry.. i didnt take anything
for granted nor did i blame anyone it was just me... so dont trip. (: ( FAKE ).. now back to my medication ghey.
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| great... i lied to myself thinking i would be able to write a daily entry. i dont understand why but everything is pisting me off! everything i think about makes me so upset and my mind goes absolutly crazy. what the eff is wrong with this month?! i know ever since the beginning of november i was on medication drinking two pills every four hours and every single day! although im suppose to keep drinking my medication but i recently just pulled out my wisdom so now im prescribe with these two other pills every six hours daily. what.. am i in some kind of worse condition that im practically losing my mind?! i've never felt so angry my whole life..first of all i thought i recently got a close friend name kevin but he gave up on trying to become my close friend because im too straight forward and he got annoyed of me since i complain too much..so he says. there was this one night i talked to jason and i asked him to help me with my college essay hoping he can look over it or something so he did. after that ...obviously i did have to owe him something and i guess he wanted me to treat him out to eat.. the arrangments was made. the next morning i totally forgot my money and he treated me out instead... although still having this guilt that i should have the whole night was bizzard... it just totally felt uncomfortable and his reasons was just tired since he got off at work around 8..i guess the whole thing was just boring and a waste of time. after that was done i thank him and he took me home and went out with his friends again.. which totally cheer his day up so he says that one night. from the day on he definitly stop talking to me...gee i wonder why?! i hate friends... or was he even a friend...that just talk to chu and then goes away. what a bitch....no im not calling him a bitch.. the situation was. wow .. i just realize.. i dont even feel like i got friends since im taking my shiet out in this effin xanga.. you know.. i really keep believing there is still an ohana and that im part of something... but i guess im just part of it because im always there around the table with em for several years now.. its not like they know me.. i doubt they even know me.. they just know im that one quiet girl.. who loves green. obviously im jealous of there bond and im ashamed of not being able to have fun like you girls.. but hey deepdown im still a true friend you know.. but no one really comes and talk to me about anything...i admire sandy though eventhough she's not part of anythin she's still manage able to talk .. and feel comfortable where evershe is... and whats diff with me.. its because im freaken shy im boring... and im not really part of anythin unless josie ask me to and xmas chip in stuff.. im always the last one to figure it out.. btw i still owe liz money.. i hate going thru ppl myspace and seeing them have great bonds with there friend.. make up something like 4 of them... or w.e s.a.v.e or w.e and each of them have each other on thur space... when i look at my ohana space they totally have each other thats totally sweet its just im never part of thur top 8 not like im complaning i already understand why im not... we're just totally not close. and they all of thur bonds and im not having any bonds yet...even though my top 8 is hidden my ohana is in it including wifey n my bestfriend charlene who doesnt even seem like a bestfriend poo... although i hope oneday we can manage time to talk again but she's always doing her own things... obviously well prepare for college than i am. part of me always think we call each other bestfriend because we only say wer are since we know each other in 5th grade.. but seriously we dont act like one.. i guess i always felt replaced or someone is better when someone new entered the group like irene...even though she didnt really knew most of em.. she did end up getting close to all my ohana until she's gone and now amanda...? not saying its a bad thing thats not my problem im just glad she has friends to accept her at the moment... but anywhoo she's able to talk and get closed esp to christina... i've never got close to christina before....and remembering last wednesday .. something felt painful when christina only reminded liz or wanted liz to make it to the potluck when i was next to her as well...well that shouldnt get to me..because even though i was there or not... there would be only silence.. it wouldnt spice up the party nor would it have any changes... and obviously liz is much diff. and fun to be around .. im sure that's why christina enjoy her company more... i guess.. for the first time in november.. i've felt emo til i felt sick. and all day everyday.. victor and i would argue everyday... and he would abuse me with his words ..
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| second day of school...i woke up at 6:40am and was late for zero period. luckily he didnt took roll today and pretty much just explained his class rules. i didnt really pay attention in his class because i was obviously still asleep and tired. after class victor walked me to my first and i didnt get to see him after school. for first period the class just went to the bookroom and second i took two quizzes that i totally failed. third was seriously the most boring class ever and once again the class was completely quiet. pretty much i just got my book today and got assigned to read the first chapter. fourth period i just helped out the career center and lunch was the same as usual nothing really change. fifth i found it the most excited class for today because everyone was so active and we played the name game which was a way to get to know each other names. after school my mommy let me drove home and i almost had a car accident luckily i was able to do a two second decision. i went home and found cookies that i opened right away to eat. simply just went to finish my homework and now planning to go to bed because victor said i had to.
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| first day of school... i actually woke myself up for zero period and went to school too early. i end up waiting outside of my classroom for twenty-five minutes because it was a minimum day. i plan on dropping pshyology since it just feels like an extra class thats not even really necessary to take and i rather wake up at seven in the morning. btw, yesterday i rushed to finish his summer homework which was pointless since he didnt collect them. basically we just did an activity that supposely allow us to get to know our classmates. first period was just like any class although my teacher did tried to presuade more students to take her ap stats class which i doubt i will. second period seem like a tough class since we're already going to start our first assignment tomorrow but my teacher is a pretty decent person. third period was absolutely boring and the class is quiet. hopefully calvin hy would spice up the class a bit and scott surpirsed me. i became a teacher assistant for the career center and that was a horrible choice. i am definitly going to try to change and become either nong or myers t.a. fifth period was the best since it was my sophmore teacher who was always had entertainment. practically every class just gave out lectures and specified how the whole year is going to follow. after school i went with marilyn to take her sister home because she needed her stuffs for practice and then drop her off back at school. later we waited for five minutes to pick up victor and went to wendy for lunch. thanks to marilyn she saved us thirty minutes of heat exhaustion and end up with victor the whole day. i came home around 7:45pm and of course like always got lecture of the car issue plus the internet problem.
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